This post outlines the peer review I conducted for Michaela Harrington's essay for the final project. Her open post to peer reviewers can be found here. I chose to evaluate the form of her essay and formed my comment on her open post to peer reviewers accordingly.
Helpfulness
In my comment on her blog, I suggested that Michaela break up some of her longer paragraphs and that she indent each paragraph so she is following the conventions of a standard college essay. Hopefully this helps her with her editing process.
Course Incorporation
As we discussed in class throughout the semester, the conventions of each genre we are authoring works in must be followed in order to meet form requirements for each project. Paragraph indentations are necessary conventions of a standard college essay.
Admiration
Michaela included a lot of relevant and well thought out information into a relatively short essay. The flow and organization are there as well.
Friday, May 6, 2016
Editorial Report 15b
This post highlights the changes I made in my closing section of my project four video essay script from my rough cut to my final.
Rough Selection
Re-edited Selection
Audience Questions
The content of the closing section changed when I elected to change the negatively connottatded phrase "a select few" to "a few main reasons". Also when I chose a more family-friendly word choice in the third sentence. From "shitty" to "they sucked", I think this makes my video essay more tasteful by refraining from exaggerating the severity of the issue.
The form of this selection changed when I added the transition phrase "first," before the second sentence. This follows the form of typically structured paragraphs in which the opening sentence precedes a number of examples each with their own subsequent explanation.
Rough Selection
Overall, I enjoyed the course for a select few reasons. It forced me out of my comfort zone nearly every week and threw new things at me that I was required to handle. While the situations might’ve been shitty in the moment, they definitely taught me valuable lessons in the end and shaped me into a more well-rounded person. If I wasn’t aware before, now I know for sure that doing things that I’m not comfortable with can be extremely beneficial and can make me feel accomplished. Ultimately I can see how what I’ve learned in this course applies to my life as a whole, and I can’t wait to continue to further my college career with adapting to new situations and taking on challenges that I would otherwise try to avoid in order to further my personal development and continue my growth.
Re-edited Selection
Overall, I enjoyed the course for a few main reasons. First, it forced me out of my comfort zone nearly every week and threw new things at me that I was required to handle. While the situations might’ve sucked in the moment, they definitely taught me valuable lessons in the end and shaped me into a more well-rounded person. If I wasn’t aware before, now I know for sure that doing things that I’m not comfortable with can be extremely beneficial and can make me feel accomplished. Ultimately I can see how what I’ve learned in this course applies to my life as a whole, and I can’t wait to continue to further my college career with adapting to new situations and taking on challenges that I would otherwise try to avoid in order to further my personal development and continue my growth.
Audience Questions
The content of the closing section changed when I elected to change the negatively connottatded phrase "a select few" to "a few main reasons". Also when I chose a more family-friendly word choice in the third sentence. From "shitty" to "they sucked", I think this makes my video essay more tasteful by refraining from exaggerating the severity of the issue.
The form of this selection changed when I added the transition phrase "first," before the second sentence. This follows the form of typically structured paragraphs in which the opening sentence precedes a number of examples each with their own subsequent explanation.
Editorial Report 15a
In this post, I highlight the changes I made in my script for my project four personal reflection video essay in the opening section.
Hey everyone, it’s Avalon and I'm here to talk about my experiences this semester as a student in English 109H at the University of Arizona. Throughout this course and the entirety of my first year of college, I have been presented with new, sometimes uncomfortable or unfamiliar opportunities and situations. These situations presented themselves in a myriad of ways, but the most prevalent changes I noticed were in response to being forced to adapt to new situations. These responses can be seen most noticeably in my research skills and my time management.
Re-edited Selection
Hey everyone, it’s Avalon and I’m going to talk about my experiences this semester as a student in Honors English 109H at the University of Arizona. Throughout this course and the entirety of my first year of college, I have been presented with new, sometimes uncomfortable or unfamiliar opportunities and situations. These situations presented themselves in a myriad of ways, but the most prevalent changes I noticed were in response to being forced to adapt to new situations. These responses can be seen most noticeably in my research skills and my time management.
Audience Questions
Content changed in this selection when I changed the voice of the introductory sentence and when I decided to include the descriptor "Honors" before the course title. The alteration of voice made my introduction seem more certain and more like a personal reflection. With the addition of the word Honors before the course title I think I provide a necessary detail that distinguishes the work in this course as more challenging and ultimately more rewarding.
The form of the opening section changed also with the change of formality in the first sentence. The audiences' first impression now is slightly more formal than before, and asserts credibility for myself as an author.
Open Post to Peer Reviewers
Here is a link to my rough cut of my video essay for the final project.
Key Information
To anyone who peer reviews my rough cut, I would like you to take into consideration the fact that this was filmed in my dorm room on my webcam, but I don't consider the setting to have much to do with the overall message of my video essay. If the setting is too terrible please do let me know, otherwise I plan to keep it the same.
Weaknesses
I think that my video essay is relatively boring as it is just me sitting in front of my webcam. Hopefully that isn't too big of a deal since I took the assignment as sort of an informal self-reflection for my peers and for Bottai. If anyone has any suggestions to make it more interesting or engaging please let me know!
Strengths
I think that my video essay is pretty well organized. I stuck with a sort of typical essay format and made it into a less formal version to coincide with the conventions of a video essay. Hopefully I also was able to fulfill the content requirements for this project as well.
Key Information
To anyone who peer reviews my rough cut, I would like you to take into consideration the fact that this was filmed in my dorm room on my webcam, but I don't consider the setting to have much to do with the overall message of my video essay. If the setting is too terrible please do let me know, otherwise I plan to keep it the same.
Weaknesses
I think that my video essay is relatively boring as it is just me sitting in front of my webcam. Hopefully that isn't too big of a deal since I took the assignment as sort of an informal self-reflection for my peers and for Bottai. If anyone has any suggestions to make it more interesting or engaging please let me know!
Strengths
I think that my video essay is pretty well organized. I stuck with a sort of typical essay format and made it into a less formal version to coincide with the conventions of a video essay. Hopefully I also was able to fulfill the content requirements for this project as well.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Peer Review for David Klebosky
This post details the peer review comment I left on David Klebosky's final project production report 14b. For this review, I chose to make a copy-editing suggestion.
Helpfulness
I hope I helped David with my very limited suggestion. His work was very well put together so far so I didn't have much to say as far as editing goes. I suggested that he elaborate at least once on the abbreviation "QRG" so that his readers will have an idea of what he is talking about if they are unfamiliar. I think explanations like these are typical for standard college essays and that this change would help his draft better fit the bill of following all of the conventions.
Course Incorporation
Since this suggestion almost falls under the category of a genre convention, that is how I incorporated information from the course in my peer review. A large focus for the majority of the semester was staying within genre conventions.
Admiration
For me, it is hard to incorporate my personal voice into my essays. I think it has to do with me wanting to stay professional and formal in essay writing. David, however, seems to have no problem telling personal experiences in his writing and it works really well, especially for this project. His wording is not too informal, however, so it still seems more professional than the other genres would require.
Helpfulness
I hope I helped David with my very limited suggestion. His work was very well put together so far so I didn't have much to say as far as editing goes. I suggested that he elaborate at least once on the abbreviation "QRG" so that his readers will have an idea of what he is talking about if they are unfamiliar. I think explanations like these are typical for standard college essays and that this change would help his draft better fit the bill of following all of the conventions.
Course Incorporation
Since this suggestion almost falls under the category of a genre convention, that is how I incorporated information from the course in my peer review. A large focus for the majority of the semester was staying within genre conventions.
Admiration
For me, it is hard to incorporate my personal voice into my essays. I think it has to do with me wanting to stay professional and formal in essay writing. David, however, seems to have no problem telling personal experiences in his writing and it works really well, especially for this project. His wording is not too informal, however, so it still seems more professional than the other genres would require.
Production Report 14b
This post highlights the changes I have made in my first body section from my content outline to my script.
Outline Item
Adaptation of Outline Item
Because this course required working within four genres, three of which were unfamiliar to me, I was essentially forced to adapt nearly on a weekly basis to the unknown. More generally, all of college so far has been one giant adaptation. Sometimes changes prove to be beneficial almost immediately, like joining a new club or sport and making new friends. On the other hand, I have found that it may take time for the light to be found at the end of the tunnel when it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone.
If I have learned anything over the course of the semester and especially in this course, it is that everyone gets to choose how they respond to change, and our responses our what shape our growth and learning. If we choose to reject change and stray away from uncomfortable situations, we will never move forward and grow. Additionally, I enjoy being a well-rounded person and the incorporation of so many new concepts and genres throughout the entirety of this course proved to be beneficial in so many ways to my personal growth as an author and a student.
Audience Questions
As with the previous post, I am using the form of a video essay presented in a vlog-like manner to reflect on this semester and this course. I plan on filming this on my laptop and using the conventions of a vlog to display my information in a semi-informal way.
The production of this section was a little rocky and I can foresee a lot of editing going into this one. However, I am not extremely worried because I think that the elegance of my words matters much less in this project than does the actual content of the reflection.
Outline Item
Body Section 1
- Main idea: adapting to unfamiliar situations
- Evidence 1: college itself is an unfamiliar situation, full of more unfamiliar situations that every student is required to adapt to
- Everyone responds differently to changes, and our adaptations are how we grow as individuals
- Evidence 2: this course required working within four genres, of which I was familiar and comfortable with only one
- This wasn't something I would choose to do on my own, but since the course required it I had to
- Each genre was difficult to get used to at first, but became sort of second nature as I continued to work on it
- This shows how taking on things that are outside your comfort zone is beneficial, because it grows your repertoire for the future and makes you more well-rounded
Adaptation of Outline Item
Because this course required working within four genres, three of which were unfamiliar to me, I was essentially forced to adapt nearly on a weekly basis to the unknown. More generally, all of college so far has been one giant adaptation. Sometimes changes prove to be beneficial almost immediately, like joining a new club or sport and making new friends. On the other hand, I have found that it may take time for the light to be found at the end of the tunnel when it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone.
If I have learned anything over the course of the semester and especially in this course, it is that everyone gets to choose how they respond to change, and our responses our what shape our growth and learning. If we choose to reject change and stray away from uncomfortable situations, we will never move forward and grow. Additionally, I enjoy being a well-rounded person and the incorporation of so many new concepts and genres throughout the entirety of this course proved to be beneficial in so many ways to my personal growth as an author and a student.
Audience Questions
As with the previous post, I am using the form of a video essay presented in a vlog-like manner to reflect on this semester and this course. I plan on filming this on my laptop and using the conventions of a vlog to display my information in a semi-informal way.
The production of this section was a little rocky and I can foresee a lot of editing going into this one. However, I am not extremely worried because I think that the elegance of my words matters much less in this project than does the actual content of the reflection.
Production Report 14a
This post details the changes I have made from my content outline to my script for my video essay. The section in question is my opening section.
Outline Item
Opening Section
Adaptation of Outline Item
Hey everyone, it’s Avalon and I’m back again to talk about my experiences as a student in Honors English 109H at the University of Arizona. Throughout this course and the entirety of my first year of college, I have been presented with new, sometimes uncomfortable or unfamiliar opportunities and situations. These situations presented themselves in a myriad of ways, but the most prevalent changes I noticed were in response to being forced to adapt to new situations. These responses can be seen in my research skills and my time management.
Audience Questions
In this instance, I translated the opening section of my content outline into a combination of a typical introduction paragraph in a standard college essay and a vlog introduction. In my opinion, this perfectly reflects the form of a video essay.
I used the content of my opening section to set up the stage for what my video essay is going to be about. Since I am taking a more informal route and making it into a vlog, I chose to represent the content with a more personal tone.
Honestly I started way too late on the script of my video essay so timing was a minor hiccup in terms of deadlines, but other than that everything was very smooth sailing on the production of this step in the process.
Outline Item
Opening Section
- Introduction to video: introduce self in a way that implies it is a vlog
- Introduction music or sound effect
- Throughout this course and the entirety of my first year of college, I have been presented with new, sometimes uncomfortable or unfamiliar, opportunities and situations.
- Thesis: These situations presented themselves in a myriad of ways, but the most prevalent changes I noticed were in my time management, research skills, and adapting to unfamiliar situations.
Adaptation of Outline Item
Hey everyone, it’s Avalon and I’m back again to talk about my experiences as a student in Honors English 109H at the University of Arizona. Throughout this course and the entirety of my first year of college, I have been presented with new, sometimes uncomfortable or unfamiliar opportunities and situations. These situations presented themselves in a myriad of ways, but the most prevalent changes I noticed were in response to being forced to adapt to new situations. These responses can be seen in my research skills and my time management.
Audience Questions
In this instance, I translated the opening section of my content outline into a combination of a typical introduction paragraph in a standard college essay and a vlog introduction. In my opinion, this perfectly reflects the form of a video essay.
I used the content of my opening section to set up the stage for what my video essay is going to be about. Since I am taking a more informal route and making it into a vlog, I chose to represent the content with a more personal tone.
Honestly I started way too late on the script of my video essay so timing was a minor hiccup in terms of deadlines, but other than that everything was very smooth sailing on the production of this step in the process.
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