Editorial Report 12a

This post highlights the changes I made in the end of the second body section of my essay.

Selection From Rough Cut

This would result in improved civilian-cop relations, which would release overall tensions, as well as release tensions between the people and their government. Furthermore, improved relations have the potential to decrease police violence and could also serve as a starting point for reemploying the police department as a protective force rather than an unwanted opposition to citizens.

Re-edited Selection

This would result in improved civilian-cop relations, which would release tensions between the people and their government. Furthermore, improved relations have the potential to decrease police violence and could also serve as a starting point for reemploying the police department as a protective force rather than the unwanted opposition to citizens it is viewed as contemporarily.

Audience Questions

Content changed in this selection when I specified that the tensions released were between the people and their government, and were not overall tensions. Additionally, by changing the wording in the last sentence I clarified that the implications that the police force is an unwanted opposition to citizens are current. Form changed in this selection by incorporating more elaborate explanations to each piece of evidence that I provide. In these ways, content is being presented in a more precise and specific manner, which is more efficient in explaining my topic.