This post highlights some very minor changes I made from my fine cut to my final essay.
Rough Selection
From a decriminalization standpoint, the discovery of drug possession or other related crimes by law enforcement officials would instead result in the rehab and psychiatric help that is actually needed. As a result of this, and in addition to the fiscal benefits, second chances would be given to people who have made mistakes regarding drugs, which encourage future societal and political involvement.
Re-edited Selection
From a decriminalization standpoint, the discovery of drug possession or other related crimes by law enforcement officials would instead result in the rehab and psychiatric help that is actually needed. As a result of this, second chances would be given to people who have made mistakes regarding drugs, which encourage future societal and political involvement.
Audience Questions
The content of my selection changed when I omitted the phrase "and in addition to the fiscal benefits". Upon rereading my essay, I realized that the phrase was completely irrelevant to the rest of the sentence. This hopefully improved the content by keeping the flow on track with the topic at hand.
The form of my selection changed by altering the type of sentence I used. This also changed the overall syntax of the selection, as well as the sentence variation used throughout the essay.
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