Peer Review for Michaela Harrington

This post outlines the peer review I conducted for Michaela Harrington's essay for the final project. Her open post to peer reviewers can be found here. I chose to evaluate the form of her essay and formed my comment on her open post to peer reviewers accordingly.

Helpfulness

In my comment on her blog, I suggested that Michaela break up some of her longer paragraphs and that she indent each paragraph so she is following the conventions of a standard college essay. Hopefully this helps her with her editing process.

Course Incorporation

As we discussed in class throughout the semester, the conventions of each genre we are authoring works in must be followed in order to meet form requirements for each project. Paragraph indentations are necessary conventions of a standard college essay.

Admiration

Michaela included a lot of relevant and well thought out information into a relatively short essay. The flow and organization are there as well.

Editorial Report 15b

This post highlights the changes I made in my closing section of my project four video essay script from my rough cut to my final.

Rough Selection

Overall, I enjoyed the course for a select few reasons. It forced me out of my comfort zone nearly every week and threw new things at me that I was required to handle. While the situations might’ve been shitty in the moment, they definitely taught me valuable lessons in the end and shaped me into a more well-rounded person. If I wasn’t aware before, now I know for sure that doing things that I’m not comfortable with can be extremely beneficial and can make me feel accomplished. Ultimately I can see how what I’ve learned in this course applies to my life as a whole, and I can’t wait to continue to further my college career with adapting to new situations and taking on challenges that I would otherwise try to avoid in order to further my personal development and continue my growth.

Re-edited Selection

Overall, I enjoyed the course for a few main reasons. First, it forced me out of my comfort zone nearly every week and threw new things at me that I was required to handle. While the situations might’ve sucked in the moment, they definitely taught me valuable lessons in the end and shaped me into a more well-rounded person. If I wasn’t aware before, now I know for sure that doing things that I’m not comfortable with can be extremely beneficial and can make me feel accomplished. Ultimately I can see how what I’ve learned in this course applies to my life as a whole, and I can’t wait to continue to further my college career with adapting to new situations and taking on challenges that I would otherwise try to avoid in order to further my personal development and continue my growth.

Audience Questions

The content of the closing section changed when I elected to change the negatively connottatded phrase "a select few" to "a few main reasons". Also when I chose a more family-friendly word choice in the third sentence. From "shitty" to "they sucked", I think this makes my video essay more tasteful by refraining from exaggerating the severity of the issue.

The form of this selection changed when I added the transition phrase "first," before the second sentence. This follows the form of typically structured paragraphs in which the opening sentence precedes a number of examples each with their own subsequent explanation.

Editorial Report 15a

In this post, I highlight the changes I made in my script for my project four personal reflection video essay in the opening section. 

Rough Selection

Hey everyone, it’s Avalon and I'm here to talk about my experiences this semester as a student in English 109H at the University of Arizona. Throughout this course and the entirety of my first year of college, I have been presented with new, sometimes uncomfortable or unfamiliar opportunities and situations. These situations presented themselves in a myriad of ways, but the most prevalent changes I noticed were in response to being forced to adapt to new situations. These responses can be seen most noticeably in my research skills and my time management.

Re-edited Selection

Hey everyone, it’s Avalon and I’m going to talk about my experiences this semester as a student in Honors English 109H at the University of Arizona. Throughout this course and the entirety of my first year of college, I have been presented with new, sometimes uncomfortable or unfamiliar opportunities and situations. These situations presented themselves in a myriad of ways, but the most prevalent changes I noticed were in response to being forced to adapt to new situations. These responses can be seen most noticeably in my research skills and my time management.

Audience Questions

Content changed in this selection when I changed the voice of the introductory sentence and when I decided to include the descriptor "Honors" before the course title. The alteration of voice made my introduction seem more certain and more like a personal reflection. With the addition of the word Honors before the course title I think I provide a necessary detail that distinguishes the work in this course as more challenging and ultimately more rewarding.

The form of the opening section changed also with the change of formality in the first sentence. The audiences' first impression now is slightly more formal than before, and asserts credibility for myself as an author.

Open Post to Peer Reviewers

Here is a link to my rough cut of my video essay for the final project.

Key Information

To anyone who peer reviews my rough cut, I would like you to take into consideration the fact that this was filmed in my dorm room on my webcam, but I don't consider the setting to have much to do with the overall message of my video essay. If the setting is too terrible please do let me know, otherwise I plan to keep it the same.

Weaknesses

I think that my video essay is relatively boring as it is just me sitting in front of my webcam. Hopefully that isn't too big of a deal since I took the assignment as sort of an informal self-reflection for my peers and for Bottai. If anyone has any suggestions to make it more interesting or engaging please let me know!

Strengths

I think that my video essay is pretty well organized. I stuck with a sort of typical essay format and made it into a less formal version to coincide with the conventions of a video essay. Hopefully I also was able to fulfill the content requirements for this project as well.

Peer Review for David Klebosky

This post details the peer review comment I left on David Klebosky's final project production report 14b. For this review, I chose to make a copy-editing suggestion.

Helpfulness

I hope I helped David with my very limited suggestion. His work was very well put together so far so I didn't have much to say as far as editing goes. I suggested that he elaborate at least once on the abbreviation "QRG" so that his readers will have an idea of what he is talking about if they are unfamiliar. I think explanations like these are typical for standard college essays and that this change would help his draft better fit the bill of following all of the conventions.

Course Incorporation

Since this suggestion almost falls under the category of a genre convention, that is how I incorporated information from the course in my peer review. A large focus for the majority of the semester was staying within genre conventions.

Admiration

For me, it is hard to incorporate my personal voice into my essays. I think it has to do with me wanting to stay professional and formal in essay writing. David, however, seems to have no problem telling personal experiences in his writing and it works really well, especially for this project. His wording is not too informal, however, so it still seems more professional than the other genres would require.

Production Report 14b

This post highlights the changes I have made in my first body section from my content outline to my script.

Outline Item

Body Section 1

• Main idea: adapting to unfamiliar situations
• Evidence 1: college itself is an unfamiliar situation, full of more unfamiliar situations that every student is required to adapt to
• Everyone responds differently to changes, and our adaptations are how we grow as individuals
• Evidence 2: this course required working within four genres, of which I was familiar and comfortable with only one
• This wasn't something I would choose to do on my own, but since the course required it I had to
• Each genre was difficult to get used to at first, but became sort of second nature as I continued to work on it
• This shows how taking on things that are outside your comfort zone is beneficial, because it grows your repertoire for the future and makes you more well-rounded

Adaptation of Outline Item

Because this course required working within four genres, three of which were unfamiliar to me, I was essentially forced to adapt nearly on a weekly basis to the unknown. More generally, all of college so far has been one giant adaptation. Sometimes changes prove to be beneficial almost immediately, like joining a new club or sport and making new friends. On the other hand, I have found that it may take time for the light to be found at the end of the tunnel when it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone.

If I have learned anything over the course of the semester and especially in this course, it is that everyone gets to choose how they respond to change, and our responses our what shape our growth and learning. If we choose to reject change and stray away from uncomfortable situations, we will never move forward and grow. Additionally, I enjoy being a well-rounded person and the incorporation of so many new concepts and genres throughout the entirety of this course proved to be beneficial in so many ways to my personal growth as an author and a student.

Audience Questions

As with the previous post, I am using the form of a video essay presented in a vlog-like manner to reflect on this semester and this course. I plan on filming this on my laptop and using the conventions of a vlog to display my information in a semi-informal way.

The production of this section was a little rocky and I can foresee a lot of editing going into this one. However, I am not extremely worried because I think that the elegance of my words matters much less in this project than does the actual content of the reflection.

Production Report 14a

This post details the changes I have made from my content outline to my script for my video essay. The section in question is my opening section.

Outline Item

Opening Section

• Introduction to video: introduce self in a way that implies it is a vlog
• Introduction music or sound effect
• Throughout this course and the entirety of my first year of college, I have been presented with new, sometimes uncomfortable or unfamiliar, opportunities and situations.
• Thesis: These situations presented themselves in a myriad of ways, but the most prevalent changes I noticed were in my time management, research skills, and adapting to unfamiliar situations. 

Adaptation of Outline Item

Hey everyone, it’s Avalon and I’m back again to talk about my experiences as a student in Honors English 109H at the University of Arizona. Throughout this course and the entirety of my first year of college, I have been presented with new, sometimes uncomfortable or unfamiliar opportunities and situations. These situations presented themselves in a myriad of ways, but the most prevalent changes I noticed were in response to being forced to adapt to new situations. These responses can be seen in my research skills and my time management.

Audience Questions

In this instance, I translated the opening section of my content outline into a combination of a typical introduction paragraph in a standard college essay and a vlog introduction. In my opinion, this perfectly reflects the form of a video essay.

I used the content of my opening section to set up the stage for what my video essay is going to be about. Since I am taking a more informal route and making it into a vlog, I chose to represent the content with a more personal tone. 

Honestly I started way too late on the script of my video essay so timing was a minor hiccup in terms of deadlines, but other than that everything was very smooth sailing on the production of this step in the process. 

Production Schedule

This post outlines the schedule I plan to follow in producing the content for the final project. It is a loose schedule and is subject to change! I plan to complete all of the work at my desk in my room or in a study room in Arbol. I will not need any materials other than my laptop with a working camera and microphone.

Schedule

The script is to be written to completion before filming commences.

I plan to complete the filming for all sections at the same time, which will likely be this Thursday as it is dead day. This will likely be a project that I complete when I need a study break, so I am assuming it will happen sometime around 5pm.

Upon beginning filming, I anticipate around 30 minutes of time to film to completion. I think that the project in its entirety will be complete before 7pm on Thursday.

Content Outline

This post outlines the content that I plan to use to produce for my video essay course final.

Opening Section

• Introduction to video: introduce self in a way that implies it is a vlog
• Introduction music or sound effect
• Throughout this course and the entirety of my first year of college, I have been presented with new, sometimes uncomfortable or unfamiliar, opportunities and situations.
• Thesis: These situations presented themselves in a myriad of ways, but the most prevalent changes I noticed were in my time management, research skills, and adapting to unfamiliar situations. 

Body Section 1

• Main idea: adapting to unfamiliar situations
• Evidence 1: college itself is an unfamiliar situation, full of more unfamiliar situations that every student is required to adapt to
• Everyone responds differently to changes, and our adaptations are how we grow as individuals
• Evidence 2: this course required working within four genres, of which I was familiar and comfortable with only one
• This wasn't something I would choose to do on my own, but since the course required it I had to
• Each genre was difficult to get used to at first, but became sort of second nature as I continued to work on it
• This shows how taking on things that are outside your comfort zone is beneficial, because it grows your repertoire for the future and makes you more well-rounded

Body Section 2

• Main idea: research skills
• Evidence 1: throughout the course, we were asked to create works that required extensive research, and a lot of the means we obtained our information in this course were ways that I have never used before
• This included conducting interviews and finding information online in non-traditional ways (Reddit, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc.)
• Evidence 2: this is helpful
• First of all I had never conducted an interview like these before so this was helpful in making me prepare questions and take control on a project
• Also made me a more well-rounded author in terms of credibility by giving me the ability to cite more sources than normal

Body Section 3

• Main idea: time management
• Evidence 1: this course required a lot more time outside of class than I was expecting
• Longer weekly assignments are something that I am both unfamiliar with and made uncomfortable by
• Initially it was hard to stay on top of things and I was waiting until the last minute and freaking out
• Evidence: as time went on, I got used to meeting long weekly deadlines
• I was able to develop a sort of system that enabled me to not stress so much
• I got used to the amount of time it took me for each type of post and to managing other classes work around these deadlines
• Ultimately it sucked having long weekly assignments but it was sort of beneficial in the long run because I was able to become more comfortable with them as the semester progressed

Closing Section

• Overall, the course was fun and pretty beneficial because I was taken out of my comfort zone a lot
• If I didn't know before, then now I know that going out of my comfort zone is actually good for me even though it sucks in the moment
• This is overall significant in my life because this concept can be applied everywhere and should be

Peer Review for Evan Rosser

This post highlights the peer review I conducted on Evan Rosser's standard college essay. His open post to peer reviewers can be found here. 

Helpfulness

I chose to review Evan's re-design of his essay and to make suggestions about conventions. I hope my suggestion to add page numbers helped him to follow all of the conventions of a standard college essay. 

Course Incorporation

Our main focus in the beginning of the semester was conventions of each of the major project forms. By enforcing a recollection of the page numbers in a standard college essay, I incorporated a large part of our class discussions.

Admiration

I admire that Evan chose a very controversial topic and covered the rebuttal for the topic so thoroughly. His argument is so strong because of his incorporation of a thorough rebuttal. Also, his use of anecdotes to convey his points makes the essay more interesting, and I think that is a brilliant way to maintain readers' interest.

Peer Review for Ben Barnett

This post outlines my review of Ben Barnett's standard college essay for project three. His open post to peer reviewers can be accessed here. His fine cut of project three can be found here. I chose to review Ben's conventions and mechanics.

Helpfulness

I hope I helped Ben in the conventions department by pointing out a parenthetical citation error. I also hope that my suggestion to incorporate more commas helped him in editing for punctuation like he asked in his open post to peer reviewers.

Course Incorporation

Since I am constantly learning new things it seems about citing, you could say that I incorporated information that I learned from this course as well as a couple of others this semester in my peer review.

Admirations

I admire that Ben took a complicated topic that the majority of people do not know about and explained it in a manner that was not "dumbed down", necessarily, but that was easily understandable without prior knowledge.

Reflection on Project 3 Release Week

This post outlines my thoughts overall on project three.

Successes

I really set myself up for success for this project since I not only stayed on top of the work, but I put in extra effort at every step which is not something I normally do. This helped my immensely in the later weeks of the project since there was virtually nothing to do but revisit the essay and edit.

Challenges

Thankfully, there were no challenges in this week's process. I was able to finish the essay relatively painlessly and the blog posts have been smooth sailing so far.

Predictions

I have no idea how next week will go since we are starting a new project. Hopefully things will not be too overwhelming with finals, but I am not too nervous.

Overall

I feel pretty confident overall about project three. Hopefully the past two projects have prepared me to satisfy the content requirements for project three. I am pretty confident that I have had sufficient practice with standard college essays in order to satisfy form conventions and requirements.

Editorial Report 13b

This post highlights some very minor changes I made from the fine cut to the final version of my essay.

Rough Selection

As with any controversial political topic, there is a prevalent opposing side to the idea of decriminalization. These oppositions tend to come from those who do not recognize common myths about drugs to be false.

Re-edited Selection

As with any controversial political topic, there is a prevalent opposing side to the idea of decriminalization. These oppositions tend to come from those who do not recognize the common myths about drugs to be false.

Audience Questions

The content of this selection changed (barely) when I added the word "the" before the subject of the sentence, "common myths". This better presents the content of the essay by specifying that the myths in question are important and relevant.

The form of this selection changed minimally by increasing the length of the sentence and ultimately of the paragraph.

Editorial Report 13a

This post highlights some very minor changes I made from my fine cut to my final essay.

Rough Selection

From a decriminalization standpoint, the discovery of drug possession or other related crimes by law enforcement officials would instead result in the rehab and psychiatric help that is actually needed.  As a result of this, and in addition to the fiscal benefits, second chances would be given to people who have made mistakes regarding drugs, which encourage future societal and political involvement.

Re-edited Selection

From a decriminalization standpoint, the discovery of drug possession or other related crimes by law enforcement officials would instead result in the rehab and psychiatric help that is actually needed.  As a result of this, second chances would be given to people who have made mistakes regarding drugs, which encourage future societal and political involvement.

Audience Questions

The content of my selection changed when I omitted the phrase "and in addition to the fiscal benefits". Upon rereading my essay, I realized that the phrase was completely irrelevant to the rest of the sentence. This hopefully improved the content by keeping the flow on track with the topic at hand.

The form of my selection changed by altering the type of sentence I used. This also changed the overall syntax of the selection, as well as the sentence variation used throughout the essay.

Revised Post to Peer Reviewers

The fine cut of my draft can be accessed here. 

Key Information

I would like my peer reviewers to know that I am curious if they are initially for or against the decriminalization of drugs. My prediction from last week's blog posts was that my peers would likely be in favor of the solution, and I would like to see how accurate that assumption is.

Weaknesses

I hope that I have addressed my weaknesses in my most recent edit of my paper. The only questionable thing I can think of is there is no specific conclusion sentence in my last body paragraph.

Strengths

I think the essay addresses valid points in the body paragraphs. Additionally, I think that my rebuttal covers most of the main oppositions to the idea of drug decriminalization. 

Peer Review for Veronica Funess

This post outlines the peer review that I conducted on Veronica Funess' rough cut. For this review, I chose to focus on both content and form. Her rough cut can be accessed here.

Helpful Inputs

I hope that Veronica finds my suggestions about the incorporation of sexual education curriculum statistics helpful. I made the recommendation because, as a reader, I feel like I would care more about the issue if I knew how large of a problem this is. If she can prove that the problem is happening all across the United States, then it is definitely believable that something needs to be done.

Course Incorporations

In terms of form, I suggested that she follow her own advice and stick to her plans. In doing this, she would be inserting paragraphs with additional explanations and evidence and including her references in her essay. These alterations to her rough cut would ensure that she is following all of the discussed conventions of a standard college essay.

Admirations

I admire Veronica's choice in topics, because she chose something that is extremely prevalent and important as well as interesting and serious. Additionally, it is evident that she has done some extreme planning and thinking about this project so far, so I admire her dedication and commitment as well.

Peer Review for Missy Webb

This post outlines the review I conducted of Missy's project 3 rough cut. The presently untitled work can be accessed here. I chose to look at the form of her essay.

Helpful Inputs

I advised Missy to incorporate more breaks in her paragraphs to make reading easier on the eyes and to create room for explanations. I hope this helps her with going more in depth into her reasonings, though they are already extremely informative and thorough. 

Incorporations

I incorporated the conventions of a blog post and of a QRG in my comment on Missy's rough cut. In allowing more white space on the page, readers have an easier time getting through long written works. This incorporation comes from class discussion in which we pondered the conventions of the main course genres.

Admirations

I admired Missy's incorporation of rhetorical questions, as well as her utilization of personal experience to convey her argument. Both incorporations are used to further engage the audience and invoke a sense of importance and relevance to the topic. 

Reflection on Global Revision

This post outlines the ups and downs of this post-production week. 

Successes

This week was filled with successes, as I completed a nearly full draft last week. Because of that, I was able to focus all of my attention on revisiting and revising my essay, which proved to be beneficial. 

Challenges

I was hoping to come up with at least a rough title for my draft this week, but nothing came to me. Fortunately, this isn't the biggest deal and can easily be handled in next weeks revisions. 

Predictions

I think that next week will be relatively painless, as it is looking as though it will be pretty similar to this week. Lucky for me, I will be able to step back from the essay for another week so I can revisit it with a new mentality during next week's progress. 

Overall

Overall I am feeling pretty good about this project. I am hoping to get a peer review or two so I can make some focused edits and changes to my form/content, but other than that I am content with my progress so far. 

Editorial Report 12b

This post highlights the changes I made in my rebuttal paragraph in my rough cut.

Selection From Rough Cut

As with any controversial political topic, there is a prevalent opposing side to the idea of decriminalization. A common example of stigmas about drugs is that drug crimes always result in violence, and that those who deal with the production and distribution of drugs are dangerous people with malicious intentions.

Re-edited Selection 

As with any controversial political topic, there is a prevalent opposing side to the idea of decriminalization. These oppositions tend to come from those who do not recognize the common myths about drugs to be false. An example of an incorrect assumption about drugs is that drug crimes always result in violence, and that those who deal with the production and distribution of drugs are dangerous people with malicious intentions. 

Audience Questions

Content was changed when I added the middle sentence to the selection. The sentence informs readers that the following items are myths about drugs, and thus that they are false. This more accurately presents the content by classifying the list of items as a specific category. The form of this section also changed with the addition of the middle sentence. The sentence acts as a bridge between the topic sentence and the first major point of the paragraph. This more clearly presents the content, as it provides the paragraph with more flow and better transitions. 

Editorial Report 12a

This post highlights the changes I made in the end of the second body section of my essay.

Selection From Rough Cut

This would result in improved civilian-cop relations, which would release overall tensions, as well as release tensions between the people and their government. Furthermore, improved relations have the potential to decrease police violence and could also serve as a starting point for reemploying the police department as a protective force rather than an unwanted opposition to citizens.

Re-edited Selection

This would result in improved civilian-cop relations, which would release tensions between the people and their government. Furthermore, improved relations have the potential to decrease police violence and could also serve as a starting point for reemploying the police department as a protective force rather than the unwanted opposition to citizens it is viewed as contemporarily.

Audience Questions

Content changed in this selection when I specified that the tensions released were between the people and their government, and were not overall tensions. Additionally, by changing the wording in the last sentence I clarified that the implications that the police force is an unwanted opposition to citizens are current. Form changed in this selection by incorporating more elaborate explanations to each piece of evidence that I provide. In these ways, content is being presented in a more precise and specific manner, which is more efficient in explaining my topic.