Key Information
I would like my peer reviewers to know that I am curious if they are initially for or against the decriminalization of drugs. My prediction from last week's blog posts was that my peers would likely be in favor of the solution, and I would like to see how accurate that assumption is.
Weaknesses
I hope that I have addressed my weaknesses in my most recent edit of my paper. The only questionable thing I can think of is there is no specific conclusion sentence in my last body paragraph.
Strengths
I think the essay addresses valid points in the body paragraphs. Additionally, I think that my rebuttal covers most of the main oppositions to the idea of drug decriminalization.
I would like my peer reviewers to know that I am curious if they are initially for or against the decriminalization of drugs. My prediction from last week's blog posts was that my peers would likely be in favor of the solution, and I would like to see how accurate that assumption is.
Weaknesses
I hope that I have addressed my weaknesses in my most recent edit of my paper. The only questionable thing I can think of is there is no specific conclusion sentence in my last body paragraph.
Strengths
I think the essay addresses valid points in the body paragraphs. Additionally, I think that my rebuttal covers most of the main oppositions to the idea of drug decriminalization.
Hi Avalon!
ReplyDeleteFist of all, I like your essay and I agree that drug decriminalization is a good idea! I just have a few suggestions for you!
I think that your title shouldn't be a question, because you are doing a good idea is good, you should reflect that in your title so your readers know exactly what they will be reading.
I thought your structure was good and it was informative and convincing but you don't need to have marijuana in parenthesis to show that is what pot is. Your audience should know that pot is a slang term for marijuana. Also, your sources look credible, but you don't have very many.
I was also wondering what your personal connection or credibility for this story is. Do you know people who are in jail for drug related crimes?
I think your essay is good and I liked your rebuttal!
Your fine cut is looking really solid! I just had a couple of copy-editing thoughts.
ReplyDeleteWould it be possible to include figures about how decriminalization increases revenue? Maybe looking at Washington or Colorado, and then arguing that those gains will scale across the country? Citing some recent numbers here could help really solidify the case that decriminalization is already working.
I was also interested in the use of the word "decriminalization." Does that mean decriminalization of all drugs, or just marijuana? For recreational or medicinal purposes? I felt a little unsure throughout the essay, and it might help to state very specifically the scope of the solution you're proposing.
Finally, I was wondering if it might be worthwhile to include a study about marijuana and compare its effects to those of a legal, regulated substance (say tobacco). It wouldn't have to be anything extensive, but it might help to convince the reader that decriminalization is actually safe.
Overall, your essay is looking good. I really like how you're using sources now--just a few more and your logic can be bulletproof.
Your topic and essay are really good, and that this review might be too late to help you, but more than half of the paragraphs in your essay do not have any credible citations and this detracts from both your credibility and the effectiveness of your argument; some of the places that would be good for citation include where you talk about abuse of prescription drugs, and where you talk about how lack of facilitation of the drug trade. Other than that your work is really good!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your essay, I think it's an interesting topic that I've definitely never thought about extensively before. I just have a couple of content pointers, although it's probably too late. I agree with Jianna, I don't think your title should be a question. It makes it feel like too much of a blog or QRG. Second, I feel like your opening paragraph needs some sort of intro, instead of just jumping right into the statistics. It would give the reader a chance to grasp the topic first. Rather than that, I think your essay is well put together and flows nicely.
ReplyDeleteAvalon your essay was pretty dope (get it?). But in all actuality I thought it was very well written, but what's up with those citations though? We gotta get more credible here. Once those citations are prime, you'll be killing it. Thanks for blogging, you did excellent.
ReplyDeleteAvalon,
ReplyDeleteI think you have a really strong essay. Like the other comments said, I think you need to have more sources. Especially with a controversy this popular it should be easy to add and find more sources that support decriminalization. Adding quotes will make your points much more credible.
Great job
Avalon,
ReplyDeleteI think you have a really strong essay. Like the other comments said, I think you need to have more sources. Especially with a controversy this popular it should be easy to add and find more sources that support decriminalization. Adding quotes will make your points much more credible.
Great job